Relationship Counselling – Love Languages
Dr. Gary Chapman, Christian counselor and author of The Five Love Languages writes about the importance of being able to express love to spouses in a way that spouses can understand. He calls this type of communicating using the five love languages.
- Words of Affirmation: This is when one says how nice his/her spouse looks, or how great the dinner tasted. These words will also build the mate’s self-image and confidence.
- Quality Time: Some spouses believe that being together, doing things together and focusing in on one another is the best way to show love.
- Gifts: It is universal in human cultures to give gifts. They don’t have to be expensive to send a powerful message of love. Spouses who forget a birthday or anniversary or who never give gifts to someone who truly enjoys gift giving will find themselves with a spouse who feels neglected and unloved.
- Acts of Service: Discovering how one can best do something for one’s spouse will require time and creativity. These acts of service like helping in cooking, household works, planting a garden, etc., need to be done with joy in order to be perceived as a gift of love.
- Physical Touch: Sometimes just stroking the spouse’s back, holding hands, or a peck on the cheek will fulfill this need.
Determining One’s Own Love Language
Individuals can discover his/her own love language by asking himself/ herself these questions:
- How do I express love to others?
- What do I complain about the most?
- What do I request most often?
Dr. Chapman says, “We’re not talking comfort. We’re talking love. Love is something we do for someone else. So often couples love one another but they aren’t connecting. They are sincere, but sincerity isn’t enough.”